MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

This needs some explanation!!

Men Are Just Happier People! What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car Service people tell you the truth. The world is your own urinal. You never have to drive to another service station restroom because this one is just too smelly. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress – $15,000.  Suit Hire – $100. People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.

New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks and aircraft and ships and helicopters and football and golf and boxing. A five-day get away requires only one small sports bag and two changes of undies and couple of pairs of socks. You can open all your own jars and cans and stubbies.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack at Woolworths. Couple of pairs of shoes and some thongs are more than enough. You never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see any wrinkles in your clothes and food stains do not count.

Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades until you lose your hair and then who cares. You only have to shave your face and neck sometimes. You can play with little and big toys all your life. One wallet and one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how hairy, white, and lumpy your legs look.

You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache or a beard and do not use tweezers. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. Find a present and a card in 5 minutes.  No wonder men are happier!

NICKNAME If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Mate, Fat Boy, Bubba, Wild man and Baldy.

EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually they want change, give it to the waiter. When the girls get their bill, out come the phone calculators.

MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument.  Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a “new argument”.

FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, garden, bring in the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL Men wake up as ugly as they went to bed some Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short of other people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY. A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!